Grab Life by the Balls and Twist

My favorite quote that I posted this week is from Andrea Agar.  She said, "Sometimes being uncomfortable is the only way to save yourself from settling."

I love that shit.

Fears give us an excuse to settle and when you settle, you do not grow.  When you don't grow, you don't get the life you want and deserve.  Your life may look successful on the surface, but you know in the deepest depths of your soul that there is more out there for you.  Way more.   

I hate excuses and I hate settling. I am currently working on testing myself and going to physical and emotional places that make me uncomfortable because I want to grow.

For example, today my friend and I went indoor rock climbing.  I am very afraid of heights.  When I do rope climbs in the gym or have climbed plastic rocks before, I never look down.  Never.  Before I even got to the gym today, I told myself:  TODAY IS THE DAY WHEN I LOOK THE FUCK DOWN.  So when I got to the top of the climb, I stopped using my fear of heights as an excuse and I looked down.  I received the gift of experiencing climbing from a different perspective.  It wasn't from the bottom looking up at what I had already accomplished in the afterglow, but from the top looking down, right smack dab in the moment of the experience.  I literally got to enjoy the view from the top.  

So sometimes you have to put yourself out there, be uncomfortable, and stop settling.  We deserve the best and our behaviors and thoughts dictate what that best becomes for us.  Every time you settle or stay in your comfy place, you are saying to yourself subtly, "I can't, I don't deserve better, I'm not willing to take risks because I do not have confidence in myself to overcome obstacles."

Well fuck that noise.  Life is a series of challenges that you can choose to back away from or you can choose to take down.  Challenge yourself because you can handle it.  Don't ever settle.  Be bigger, be better, be stronger than you ever thought you could be.

xoxo
J

When I See People Kicking Ass

There is nothing I love more than to see people kicking ass.  Doing things they never thought they could do.  Breaking boundaries within themselves.  Creating goals and crushing them.  Moving away from the life they do not want and moving towards the life they deserve.  Whether it is in therapy or in the gym, I am surrounded by inspiration.  Inspiration that even on my worst days keeps me seeing the positivity, resilience, and beauty of the human spirit.  So thank you to my grad school friends, my work out buddies, my friends, and my family.  Keep kicking ass.  Because in doing so, you are setting examples for me and all the other people in your life to do the same. 

xoxo
J

Brofriends

I tend to give tons of accolades to my girlfriends. I have neglected to show my appreciation for my Brofriends.  This is my newest term for them.  My best brofriends have become almost as big a part of my social circle as some of my girlfriends.  Brofriends are so awesome because they add a masculine energy to my life that is often much needed.  I can talk to them like I talk to my girlfriends, but they provide me with insight from the Mars side of the coin when I am often thinking in a very Venus way.  Sometimes my Brofriends are able to simplify my overly analytical brain and show me that sometimes things can be simple.  People often say that men and women cannot truly be friends.  I think that is bullshit.

I love my Brofriends!

xoxo
J

Girl! Ya gotta EAT!!!

One of the biggest questions I get at my gym is:  What do you eat? 

Most of the time, I think people expect to hear that I have a very restricted diet with no carbs and no fun.  That is simply not the case. 

I eat whole foods and I eat a lot of them. In the past, I have tried every stupid nutritional plan and diet in the book (I have blogged about many of them).  I finally found balance in eating a whole foods diet and listening to my body.   Now, because of food sensitivities, I do not eat wheat and gluten.  I also do not eat sugar cane.  Those are my only restrictions.  I eat meat, dairy, fruit, vegetables, nuts, seeds, gluten free grains, honey, agave, and french fries.  When I want to eat junk, I eat junk (french fries).  And I drink alcohol.  I'm not usually a Monday through Friday drinker, but I do enjoy a good martini and some wine on weekends (Carb Back Loading). 

When you work out as hard as most Crossfitters, it is vital that you listen to your body and eat when you are hungry.  For most of us, the goal is to put on muscle mass.  In order to put on muscle, you need to lift weights, work out, and you need to eat.  Bottom line.  A lot of people think in order to look "toned" you need to lose weight.  In order to be toned, you need to put on muscle.  In order to put on muscle, you need to eat enough to fuel muscle growth. If the muscle isn't there in the first place, no matter how thin you get, you will not look toned.  Case in point, supermodels.   This is counter intuitive to what most women have been told their entire lives which is to starve themselves and run.  Life doesn't have to be that sucky.  

Now, this isn't a license to hit up the Burger King drive thru every chance you get, but you need sufficient calories to build muscle, to maintain your work outs, and to leave you feeling optimal.  This might mean that you GASP gain a few pounds.  OMG.  NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!  But the number on the scale is really not representative of how your body is changing when you gain muscle.  If you HAVE to have a measurement, go by clothes or body measurements.  But when you start squatting, your thighs may grow and your ass might fill out your jeans for the first time in your life.  It's a good thing, ladies.  A very good thing. 

Here are two of my favorite facebook "likes" for great information on eating for athletes and healthy body image.
Eat To Perform
Go Kaleo

It is always a great idea to meet with a nutritionist and go over your blood work, caloric needs, and get general nutrition advice from a pro ;0)

Happy, healthy, eating my loves!!!
xoxo
J

Boundaries

This whole concept of boundaries is really popping up in my life and the lives of my friends right now.  There is so much of a focus on boundaries with others.   What about the boundaries we need to set with ourselves? 

Boundaries aren't always about what others bring to us.  They are often about how we allow the world to interact with us.  What is acceptable, what is not- but really, this is rooted deeply within ourselves. 

How do we allow ourselves to be treated?  How do we speak to ourselves?  What actions do we take that are self-destructive?  How are we inhibiting our own growth?  How do we stomp on our own joy? These are things we need to think about and constantly contemplate and allow to internally evolve.

Case in point.  I am a middle child and a pleaser.  I often give and give and give in my relationships and find myself not getting the same output from others.  It can often frustrate me and I play the blame game.  So initially, what seems like an external boundary issue, is really about me not setting boundaries within myself.   I allow myself to feel pressured into feeling like I need to give more, when in reality, I need to have a little heart to heart with myself and say, "No, you have given enough at this moment.  It is time to receive." 

It's a form of personal responsibility and self-care.  Set healthy boundaries, practice kind self-talk, and see what grows you sexy mutha fuckas!

A big thanks to Ali and Greta Hotmer from Twin Tree Healing for honoring me as their Light Worker of the Week.  It meant so much to me and the fact that all of you read my shit storm writing means a lot to me, too.  Thank you!!!!

xoxo
J

Chaos

Over the past year, my life has undergone many changes.  It has felt like chaos.  Sometimes scary, sometimes exciting, and often an overwhelming combination of the two.  I am moving into a new life for myself and it is a life that is very different from how I thought my life would be. 

I am a bit of a control freak and I like my road map to be crystal clear.  My map could not be more murky and muddy.  Learning how to love the muck is becoming a process I have only begun to embark upon.  When everything has felt so crazy, is difficult to hug spontaneity and give it the big fat kiss it deserves. 

I made plans with friends for the weekend.  Plans I almost cancelled at the last minute because I was not feeling well.  Plans I almost wanted to cancel even if I was feeling well.  Any excuse would have worked.    Instead of stopping myself, I embraced my night.  I threw on clothes and yanked my hair up faster than I could talk myself out of going. 

I found myself enjoying myself on a level I have not enjoyed myself in a long time.  Friends felt like warm blankets, songs hurt my soul and made me cry.  I was vulnerable.  I felt alive and I felt at ease, at ease with the uncertainty of life.  There was comfort in the joy that things are not always going to end up the way I expect, but peace in the understanding that life is unfolding as it should.  I do not have to work so hard to make my life.  It really just happens all around me in the weird cosmic way.  People come in, people come out.  Experiences in, experiences out.  It is exciting to see what tomorrow will bring me when I'm not trying to force my will upon it.   

xoxo
J 

Fuck you shitty mantras!

I'm not sure when you start hearing these messages:  You aren't good enough.  You aren't worth it.

Maybe it is when you are young and you get that first look of disapproval from your parents.  It could be the first time you got a grade in school that wasn't an A+.  That first time someone rejected you or bullied you. When you were first told you weren't smart enough, or pretty enough, or athletic enough, or good enough to deserve the life you want.  These messages stay with us for a long time.  They become ingrained in us and damage us to our core when we do not let go of them.

These shitty  little mantras have become ingrained in me as I am sure they have become ingrained in many of you. As you carry them into adulthood, sometimes they even served us well.  I'm a competitive person, so I'm always on a mission to prove these fuckers wrong.  This can be empowering in some ways, and discouraging in others.  No matter how many doctoral degrees I get under my belt, will I ever feel smart enough?  No matter how many pounds I put on the bar, will I ever feel strong enough?  No matter how many times someone tells me I'm beautiful or that they love me, will I ever really believe them? 

These messages hold me back.  They make things that are not meant to make me feel inadequate, feel that way.  When my coach critiques my form, I hear "You're not good enough," instead of, "Do this, and you will be more efficient."  I notice this in my fellow doctoral students.  Some of us were recently having heart attacks over 92s on our papers.  Yikes.  Some find inadequacy in their jobs and financial statements.  I don't make a six figure salary.  I must not be as good as Joe Schmo who is driving a beamer.  My occupation isn't worthwhile or important. I don't deserve to make money because I love what I do.  They pop up in our relationships with others.  My child is misbehaving, that makes me a bad parent.  My significant other is having a bad day, I must not be doing enough.  When we look at these messages on paper, we realize the ridiculousness of them, however, we still engage in the thoughts.

We are adequate.  We are amazing.  We are what we are meant to be in this moment, learning the lessons we need to be taught.  Anytime one of these "shit mantras" come into your mind, I challenge you to tell it to fuck off. Overcome these voices, because they no longer apply. 

You are more than good enough.  You are totally, 100% worth it.
  
xoxox
J

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone.
 And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

Marianne Williamson



xoxo
J