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Sunday, May 25, 2014

Do you quit on the last fucking mile?

No.  You don't.

I am starting my last two years of my six year doctoral program.  You heard me:  SIX.  SIX FUCKING YEARS.

Needless to say, this has been a journey.  A rocky one for me filled with challenges, divorce, and dealing with navigating the most difficult part of my doctoral program as a single mother.  Thankfully, that didn't mean doing it alone.  I have been wise enough to surround myself with people who not only are amazing friends but are inspiring people.  I have been fortunate enough to be blessed with a family who loves and supports the shit out of me.

Over the past 6 months, I hit a wall.  A huge wall.  The emotional, intellectual, and physical toll I was dealing with put me into a hole.  I had no motivation.  Although finally getting my Master's Degree was a good thing, I felt doubt creep into my head for the first time.  I found myself thinking, "Well, I have this Master's, maybe I should quit."  I even said it aloud, joking with friends.  I was afraid.  And I was getting in my own way.

I gave myself a carrot, as I tend to do, and attended a writing conference.  As a result of going to the conference, I would be given the chance propose a book to a publishing company.  BOOM.  I set all the details in motion, and off to Florida I went.  I traveled alone.  I made friends.  I wrote.  I felt unbelievably inspired.  I rediscovered my divine purpose.  I came back like a bat out of hell. I was a liberated woman!

By the next week I felt like a deflated balloon.  Life's responsibilities reared their ugly head and pressures from all over weighed heavy.  So I started practicing some of the beautiful psychological tools I preach because  God knows I am proactive as fuck and am not one to wallow in self-pity ;0)  

1.  I went to therapy.  My God it felt painfully good to cry and vent and heal.  Good stuff.  I am so happy being a therapist is my calling.

2.  I set boundaries.  As much as I love Crossfit, I had to change my priorities.  I had to chill the fuck out on competitions.  I love competitions, but they are weekend killers and financially draining.  So I picked my two favorites to do this summer and had to do something that is very hard for someone with FOMO (fear of missing out) to do.  I started saying, "no."

3.  I indulged my lack of motivation.  Therapists call this, "rolling with resistance."  I hung out with friends. I did what I wanted to do.  I didn't guilt myself into thinking I am a failure because I hit a wall.  I went with it, with the belief that I would fully reengage in the process and start kicking ass again in no time.

4.  I surrounded myself with motivated, healthy, inspirational people.  I spent extra time with the people who push me to be better and the people who bring out the best in me.

5.  I stopped acting like an entitled asshole.  Success does not happen without work.  Lots of fucking work.  Most people aren't gifted with million dollar houses.  They work for them.  You don't get a muscle up by staring at the rings.

I woke up at 4:30 this morning and started to write my dissertation- energized and ready to rock.  Because I don't quit on the last fucking mile baby.

Go crush life.