Over the past year, my life has undergone many changes. It has felt like chaos. Sometimes scary, sometimes exciting, and often an overwhelming combination of the two. I am moving into a new life for myself and it is a life that is very different from how I thought my life would be.
I am a bit of a control freak and I like my road map to be crystal clear. My map could not be more murky and muddy. Learning how to love the muck is becoming a process I have only begun to embark upon. When everything has felt so crazy, is difficult to hug spontaneity and give it the big fat kiss it deserves.
I made plans with friends for the weekend. Plans I almost cancelled at the last minute because I was not feeling well. Plans I almost wanted to cancel even if I was feeling well. Any excuse would have worked. Instead of stopping myself, I embraced my night. I threw on clothes and yanked my hair up faster than I could talk myself out of going.
I found myself enjoying myself on a level I have not enjoyed myself in a long time. Friends felt like warm blankets, songs hurt my soul and made me cry. I was vulnerable. I felt alive and I felt at ease, at ease with the uncertainty of life. There was comfort in the joy that things are not always going to end up the way I expect, but peace in the understanding that life is unfolding as it should. I do not have to work so hard to make my life. It really just happens all around me in the weird cosmic way. People come in, people come out. Experiences in, experiences out. It is exciting to see what tomorrow will bring me when I'm not trying to force my will upon it.
xoxo
J
Sunday, November 17, 2013
Wednesday, November 13, 2013
Fuck you shitty mantras!
I'm not sure when you start hearing these messages: You aren't good enough. You aren't worth it.
Maybe it is when you are young and you get that first look of disapproval from your parents. It could be the first time you got a grade in school that wasn't an A+. That first time someone rejected you or bullied you. When you were first told you weren't smart enough, or pretty enough, or athletic enough, or good enough to deserve the life you want. These messages stay with us for a long time. They become ingrained in us and damage us to our core when we do not let go of them.
These shitty little mantras have become ingrained in me as I am sure they have become ingrained in many of you. As you carry them into adulthood, sometimes they even served us well. I'm a competitive person, so I'm always on a mission to prove these fuckers wrong. This can be empowering in some ways, and discouraging in others. No matter how many doctoral degrees I get under my belt, will I ever feel smart enough? No matter how many pounds I put on the bar, will I ever feel strong enough? No matter how many times someone tells me I'm beautiful or that they love me, will I ever really believe them?
These messages hold me back. They make things that are not meant to make me feel inadequate, feel that way. When my coach critiques my form, I hear "You're not good enough," instead of, "Do this, and you will be more efficient." I notice this in my fellow doctoral students. Some of us were recently having heart attacks over 92s on our papers. Yikes. Some find inadequacy in their jobs and financial statements. I don't make a six figure salary. I must not be as good as Joe Schmo who is driving a beamer. My occupation isn't worthwhile or important. I don't deserve to make money because I love what I do. They pop up in our relationships with others. My child is misbehaving, that makes me a bad parent. My significant other is having a bad day, I must not be doing enough. When we look at these messages on paper, we realize the ridiculousness of them, however, we still engage in the thoughts.
We are adequate. We are amazing. We are what we are meant to be in this moment, learning the lessons we need to be taught. Anytime one of these "shit mantras" come into your mind, I challenge you to tell it to fuck off. Overcome these voices, because they no longer apply.
You are more than good enough. You are totally, 100% worth it.
xoxox
J
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
Marianne Williamson
xoxo
J
Maybe it is when you are young and you get that first look of disapproval from your parents. It could be the first time you got a grade in school that wasn't an A+. That first time someone rejected you or bullied you. When you were first told you weren't smart enough, or pretty enough, or athletic enough, or good enough to deserve the life you want. These messages stay with us for a long time. They become ingrained in us and damage us to our core when we do not let go of them.
These shitty little mantras have become ingrained in me as I am sure they have become ingrained in many of you. As you carry them into adulthood, sometimes they even served us well. I'm a competitive person, so I'm always on a mission to prove these fuckers wrong. This can be empowering in some ways, and discouraging in others. No matter how many doctoral degrees I get under my belt, will I ever feel smart enough? No matter how many pounds I put on the bar, will I ever feel strong enough? No matter how many times someone tells me I'm beautiful or that they love me, will I ever really believe them?
These messages hold me back. They make things that are not meant to make me feel inadequate, feel that way. When my coach critiques my form, I hear "You're not good enough," instead of, "Do this, and you will be more efficient." I notice this in my fellow doctoral students. Some of us were recently having heart attacks over 92s on our papers. Yikes. Some find inadequacy in their jobs and financial statements. I don't make a six figure salary. I must not be as good as Joe Schmo who is driving a beamer. My occupation isn't worthwhile or important. I don't deserve to make money because I love what I do. They pop up in our relationships with others. My child is misbehaving, that makes me a bad parent. My significant other is having a bad day, I must not be doing enough. When we look at these messages on paper, we realize the ridiculousness of them, however, we still engage in the thoughts.
We are adequate. We are amazing. We are what we are meant to be in this moment, learning the lessons we need to be taught. Anytime one of these "shit mantras" come into your mind, I challenge you to tell it to fuck off. Overcome these voices, because they no longer apply.
You are more than good enough. You are totally, 100% worth it.
xoxox
J
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
Marianne Williamson
xoxo
J
Thursday, August 29, 2013
My Two Cents on Miley, Crossfit, and Body Image
So I was chatting with my girls last night and of course the discussion got around to Miley Cyrus. Now, I was encouraged to write this by Casey- so this blog is for you girlfriend. My insight may not be loved by all, but I make no apologies for it. It is important for me to point out discrimination and sexism when I see it- especially when it is put out there by a group that I am a part of.
I told my girlfriends how unbelievably disappointed I was in some of the responses I saw from different Crossfit pages that had memes saying that Miley needs to squat. This disappointment almost hit me as hard as the "Turning 7's into 10's" commercial that was played throughout the Crossfit games last year. This pisses me off so much because Crossfit is supposed to be a community that supports women and women's bodies- no matter what they look like. It is supposed to be a community that empowers women and focuses them on what they can do, not what they look like and meeting societal standards of beauty.
Crossfitters are the first people to come to a woman's defense if she is "too muscular" or "manly" but when Miley gets up there in booty shorts without the muscle tone of a weight lifter everyone freaks the fuck out and takes pot shots. Honestly, it is so anti-feminine and such bullshit. There are many women who Crossfit, beginners and veterans, who may not have the muscle tone of Talayna Fortunato. I wonder how less toned, or thinner athletes felt after looking at memes like that and how it made them feel about their bodies.
And as far as sexism goes, I asked myself why no one from the Crossfit community has posted a meme that Celo Green needs to do sit ups? Once again, a ridiculous double standard that really wants to keep women focused on what really matters: Pleasing men.
I thought the Crossfit community was a little bit beyond the objectification of women and making women feel badly about their bodies. And I understand that "it's a joke" made by a few, and is not representative of all the amazingly supportive men and women in the community who do so much to promote healthy body image. The fact is this needs to be addressed. It is part of the social responsibility of the group to call this shit out and stop it in its tracks. Supporting things that make women feel insecure is never on my agenda, or the agenda of most Crossfit men and women. And Miley- rock those booty shorts all day, because guess what, my ass doesn't look perfect in them either- and I squat.
xoxo
J
I told my girlfriends how unbelievably disappointed I was in some of the responses I saw from different Crossfit pages that had memes saying that Miley needs to squat. This disappointment almost hit me as hard as the "Turning 7's into 10's" commercial that was played throughout the Crossfit games last year. This pisses me off so much because Crossfit is supposed to be a community that supports women and women's bodies- no matter what they look like. It is supposed to be a community that empowers women and focuses them on what they can do, not what they look like and meeting societal standards of beauty.
Crossfitters are the first people to come to a woman's defense if she is "too muscular" or "manly" but when Miley gets up there in booty shorts without the muscle tone of a weight lifter everyone freaks the fuck out and takes pot shots. Honestly, it is so anti-feminine and such bullshit. There are many women who Crossfit, beginners and veterans, who may not have the muscle tone of Talayna Fortunato. I wonder how less toned, or thinner athletes felt after looking at memes like that and how it made them feel about their bodies.
And as far as sexism goes, I asked myself why no one from the Crossfit community has posted a meme that Celo Green needs to do sit ups? Once again, a ridiculous double standard that really wants to keep women focused on what really matters: Pleasing men.
I thought the Crossfit community was a little bit beyond the objectification of women and making women feel badly about their bodies. And I understand that "it's a joke" made by a few, and is not representative of all the amazingly supportive men and women in the community who do so much to promote healthy body image. The fact is this needs to be addressed. It is part of the social responsibility of the group to call this shit out and stop it in its tracks. Supporting things that make women feel insecure is never on my agenda, or the agenda of most Crossfit men and women. And Miley- rock those booty shorts all day, because guess what, my ass doesn't look perfect in them either- and I squat.
xoxo
J
Thursday, June 27, 2013
Bulletproof Coffee Inspired Smoothie
A lot of my friends have been drinking bullet proof coffee. Bullet proof coffee is black coffee with either coconut oil or grass fed butter melted into it. When I first heard of this, I wanted to vomit- mainly thinking about putting butter in coffee, but the people who drink it swear by it.
I'm not a coffee drinker (because I it gives me headaches and I act like a squirrel on cocaine when I drink it), but I love the flavor. I also think it's a great idea to start your day off with a good fat. So I came up with this smoothie recipe that gives you the yum of the bullet proof coffee but with some carbs and protein for those of us who eat breakfast and hit early morning work outs.
4oz Coconut Water
4oz Water
3-4 ice cubes
1 tbsp coconut oil or grass fed butter
1 banana
1 scoop of chocolate protein powder
1 tsp coffee extract
Blend your ass off
I'm sure you can pour 8oz of coffee into the smoothie instead of the coconut water and water and skip the coffee extract. I bet that would make it taste like iced coffee too. You can also skip the banana if that makes the smoothie to heavy, you don't like bananas, or are watching carbs. I top mine off with a few raw cacao nibs. Nibs are delicious little devils. They are pieces of the cacao beans that would eventually be ground into cocoa powder. I love these bitches. Chocolate makes life a little more amazing.
Have a bullet proof day!!!
xoxo
J
I'm not a coffee drinker (because I it gives me headaches and I act like a squirrel on cocaine when I drink it), but I love the flavor. I also think it's a great idea to start your day off with a good fat. So I came up with this smoothie recipe that gives you the yum of the bullet proof coffee but with some carbs and protein for those of us who eat breakfast and hit early morning work outs.
4oz Coconut Water
4oz Water
3-4 ice cubes
1 tbsp coconut oil or grass fed butter
1 banana
1 scoop of chocolate protein powder
1 tsp coffee extract
Blend your ass off
I'm sure you can pour 8oz of coffee into the smoothie instead of the coconut water and water and skip the coffee extract. I bet that would make it taste like iced coffee too. You can also skip the banana if that makes the smoothie to heavy, you don't like bananas, or are watching carbs. I top mine off with a few raw cacao nibs. Nibs are delicious little devils. They are pieces of the cacao beans that would eventually be ground into cocoa powder. I love these bitches. Chocolate makes life a little more amazing.
Have a bullet proof day!!!
xoxo
J
Wednesday, June 19, 2013
Help, I'm stuck!
Sometimes right before we are inspired to mobilize and take action in our lives, we are faced with this feeling of being stuck. This can often come with feelings of stagnation, hopelessness, irritation, guilt, fear, and sadness. The even more confusing part of "stuckness" comes when these dragalicious feelings are accompanied with ideas of change, excitement for the future, thrill, and adventure. It can be very confusing and emotionally exhausting.
I think the turmoil before the decision to "unstick" yourself is the hardest part. Sometimes instead of feeling like you are moving upward, it feels as though you are moving side to side. Waffling, going back and forth, weighing the options. The funny part is, usually, internally you know what is best for you, but the stuckness usually comes from protecting others, protecting yourself from the unknown, and trying to live by standards other people set for you.
What is right? Living a life feeling stuck in order to please others? Sacrificing yourself and playing the martyr? Are these things really, truly healthy for your psyche and the psyche of those whom you truly care? Those are questions you have to answer for yourself. Another difficult aspect of this is that although we are taught that self-sacrificing is this beautiful, amazing thing, we are also given the confusing message that if you are not happy and in love with your self, you cannot be in love and happy with others. It can lead to very conflicting feelings which force you to examine who you are and who you need to become and the balance of the two.
The beautiful part of all of this is that we have choices. Every time you feel stuck or the victim of a situation you created or another person's choices or actions- you decide your reaction. You decide the way you think about given situations. You can move at any point when the time is right for you.
Stuck is a feeling.
It is not a reality.
And at any given moment, you can move.
xoxo
J
I think the turmoil before the decision to "unstick" yourself is the hardest part. Sometimes instead of feeling like you are moving upward, it feels as though you are moving side to side. Waffling, going back and forth, weighing the options. The funny part is, usually, internally you know what is best for you, but the stuckness usually comes from protecting others, protecting yourself from the unknown, and trying to live by standards other people set for you.
What is right? Living a life feeling stuck in order to please others? Sacrificing yourself and playing the martyr? Are these things really, truly healthy for your psyche and the psyche of those whom you truly care? Those are questions you have to answer for yourself. Another difficult aspect of this is that although we are taught that self-sacrificing is this beautiful, amazing thing, we are also given the confusing message that if you are not happy and in love with your self, you cannot be in love and happy with others. It can lead to very conflicting feelings which force you to examine who you are and who you need to become and the balance of the two.
The beautiful part of all of this is that we have choices. Every time you feel stuck or the victim of a situation you created or another person's choices or actions- you decide your reaction. You decide the way you think about given situations. You can move at any point when the time is right for you.
Stuck is a feeling.
It is not a reality.
And at any given moment, you can move.
xoxo
J
Wednesday, June 12, 2013
Cheezy Ass Mutha Fuckin' Lasagne
This afternoon was heaven- no practicum (fancy doctorate speak for working for free) and no class. I headed in the house for my favorite past time- cooking. Man, I have been so busy that I haven't hit up my kitchen for a real food party in what seems like forever! It was so good to be back. Cooking is so much fun for me. I've really missed doing it!!!!
So I had it in my head that I was going to make grain free lasagna. I was going to use thinly sliced zucchini for the noodles. Well, my daughters had other ideas. The second we walked into the store and headed for the zucchini, the bitching began. "EWWWWWWW!!!!!! MAAAAWWWWWMMMMM, I HATE ZUCCHINI. GROSSSSSSS." Okay. Hmmmmmmm....I thought about eggplant. I could take or leave that. Then I decided on mushrooms. The kids love mushrooms. Okay. Mushrooms it is. So here is my lasagna recipe for all of you to recreate. I do not consider this recipe Paleo or healthy by any means. It has about 40 pounds of cheese in it, so watch yourself home slice.
Step One- Put on some Rod Stewart or Kesha
Step Two- Brown 1 to 1 and 1/2 pounds of ground turkey
Step Three- While that is browning, put some Olive Oil in the bottom of your 9x13 inch pan, followed by a layer of mushrooms.
Step Four- Grate 16 oz of Mozzarella Cheese
Step Five- Pour yourself some wine (or seltzer water for me today)
Step Six- Mix together 15 oz of ricotta cheese and 1/2 c Parmesan or Romano or a blend
Step Seven- When meat has finished browning, add 3/4 of a 25 oz jar of sauce or homemade sauce and mix it together. I just started buying a brand called Paesana Marinara and I love it! There isn't any bullshit in it either so it's fabulous.
Step Eight- Spoon the meat and sauce over the mushrooms
Step Nine- Spread a layer of the Ricotta mixture and then top with a layer of mozzarella
Step Ten- Mushrooms
Step Eleven- Meat Shit
Step Twelve- Cheesy fucking goodness
Pop this bitch in the oven at 350 for 30 minutes, take it out, and eat the hell out of it!
Have a fabulous dinner!
xoxo
J
So I had it in my head that I was going to make grain free lasagna. I was going to use thinly sliced zucchini for the noodles. Well, my daughters had other ideas. The second we walked into the store and headed for the zucchini, the bitching began. "EWWWWWWW!!!!!! MAAAAWWWWWMMMMM, I HATE ZUCCHINI. GROSSSSSSS." Okay. Hmmmmmmm....I thought about eggplant. I could take or leave that. Then I decided on mushrooms. The kids love mushrooms. Okay. Mushrooms it is. So here is my lasagna recipe for all of you to recreate. I do not consider this recipe Paleo or healthy by any means. It has about 40 pounds of cheese in it, so watch yourself home slice.
Step One- Put on some Rod Stewart or Kesha
Step Two- Brown 1 to 1 and 1/2 pounds of ground turkey
Step Three- While that is browning, put some Olive Oil in the bottom of your 9x13 inch pan, followed by a layer of mushrooms.
Step Four- Grate 16 oz of Mozzarella Cheese
Step Five- Pour yourself some wine (or seltzer water for me today)
Step Six- Mix together 15 oz of ricotta cheese and 1/2 c Parmesan or Romano or a blend
Step Seven- When meat has finished browning, add 3/4 of a 25 oz jar of sauce or homemade sauce and mix it together. I just started buying a brand called Paesana Marinara and I love it! There isn't any bullshit in it either so it's fabulous.
Step Eight- Spoon the meat and sauce over the mushrooms
Step Nine- Spread a layer of the Ricotta mixture and then top with a layer of mozzarella
Step Ten- Mushrooms
Step Eleven- Meat Shit
Step Twelve- Cheesy fucking goodness
Pop this bitch in the oven at 350 for 30 minutes, take it out, and eat the hell out of it!
Have a fabulous dinner!
xoxo
J
Wednesday, June 5, 2013
You work out too much
Recently, I've had a couple of people offer the opinion that I work out too much. One was my mother, so I decided I would think about it a little bit. At first I was a little offended by these accusations but I'm a big fan of listening and learning so I started to do a little self-evaluating. Do I work out too much? Are other aspects of my life suffering because of how much I work out? Am I neglecting my children? Are my grades slipping? Nope. I'm keeping it together pretty darn well. I'm kicking ass in school, my kids are happy and healthy, I have a bitchin' social life, the house is clean, I'm rarely sick...hmmm...what's the problem here????
I usually work out for an hour almost every day. Some days, I work out for two to three hours (like on a Saturday or Sunday) and some days I don't get there at all. The CDC recommends doing 2.5 hours per week of cardiovascular training and 2 or more hours of weight training per week- MINIMUM. Many physicians recommend 60 minutes per day of physical activity for adults and children. Okay. I'm in that range of healthy activity level.
I wonder how many people would complain if I spent 1 hour a day watching television, reading, or participating in another hobby? What is it about my exercise routine that some find so offensive? I'm not exactly sure. I find my work outs to be a stress reliever. It allows me to spend time with people who I love dearly and care about. When I get in a good work out, I am more alert and am more present with my patients. I have more patience with my children. Working out is not a life drainer, it's a life saver!
Imagine if everyone took one hour out of the day to spend working on themselves physically- in whatever capacity- crossfit, yoga, running, hiking, walking, zumba. I just don't see that as a bad thing. Our physical health should be one of our top priorities. For me, it is a huge part of maintaining my sanity in a very crazy life. It isn't selfish and honestly, I find it to be selfish NOT to take that time out of your day to be healthy for yourself and for the people around you.
So please, go exercise! I will never judge you for it ;0)
xoxo
J
I usually work out for an hour almost every day. Some days, I work out for two to three hours (like on a Saturday or Sunday) and some days I don't get there at all. The CDC recommends doing 2.5 hours per week of cardiovascular training and 2 or more hours of weight training per week- MINIMUM. Many physicians recommend 60 minutes per day of physical activity for adults and children. Okay. I'm in that range of healthy activity level.
I wonder how many people would complain if I spent 1 hour a day watching television, reading, or participating in another hobby? What is it about my exercise routine that some find so offensive? I'm not exactly sure. I find my work outs to be a stress reliever. It allows me to spend time with people who I love dearly and care about. When I get in a good work out, I am more alert and am more present with my patients. I have more patience with my children. Working out is not a life drainer, it's a life saver!
Imagine if everyone took one hour out of the day to spend working on themselves physically- in whatever capacity- crossfit, yoga, running, hiking, walking, zumba. I just don't see that as a bad thing. Our physical health should be one of our top priorities. For me, it is a huge part of maintaining my sanity in a very crazy life. It isn't selfish and honestly, I find it to be selfish NOT to take that time out of your day to be healthy for yourself and for the people around you.
So please, go exercise! I will never judge you for it ;0)
xoxo
J
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